Part 3

Kyle and Cade were 3 years and 5 months apart to the day. Mike said that if you wanted to script a more perfect transition from one child to two and from Kyle being an only to a sibling you could not have done it. Kyle adored Cade from the beginning, in fact, I joked sometimes that I (not Kyle) was the jealous one because Kyle would say things like, "I love Cade 500 times around the world and I love you and daddy 5o times around the world." Things did get a little more interesting and a little more challenging when Cade got mobile, but it was still a really great little thing we had going. We adored being the parents of two little men and were so thankful that I got to stay home full-time with them.

There was never any doubt we would "try" with our remaining two embryos, our little "snow babies," we just weren't sure when. We didn't want to wait too long because we are not "spring chickens" and we were paying $50 a month to keep them frozen, not a major factor, but not a non-factor. We were pretty much ready any time but I absolutely had to be done nursing Cade before we could start our FET (frozen embryo transfer) process. I had let Kyle self-lead in weaning and he was about 17 months old when it happened. Cade was nearing that same age and didn't really seem be showing any signs of starting to wean. I was torn because on the one hand I was really ready to be pregnant again, but on the other hand I feared I would be really sad if I rushed him into weaning and then didn't get pregnant and never nursed another baby again. Ultimately, I gradually encouraged him to wean around 18 months. It wasn't traumatic for either of us thankfully.

I called the IVF clinic to let them know we wanted to begin the process and get in on the first available cycle available. (After I typed that I remembered that, no, I actually called the clinic first and they told me I would need to start meds in like 2 weeks and that is the point I began encouraging him to wean and it was a little traumatic for me, funny how we can gloss over things in our memories, ha).

Anyway, we were excited, scared, nervous, apprehensive, but definitely trusting God for the outcome. I realized early on in the process that God already knew the outcome so there really was nothing for me to worry about. There was nothing I was going to do or not do that would change whether or not I was meant to get pregnant with our little snow babies. That was tremendously comforting. I struggle with control and worry so it wasn't a one-time thing, but something I did need to repeatedly do in giving all my anxieties to God because He cares for me.

Leading up to the actual transfer there were some really neat ways that God protected me. Kyle got swine flu and 3 other families who are close friends of ours got the swine flu, in each case the entire family (sparing one person I think out of 14 if my math is right) got the flu, but in our family only Kyle got it. I was amazed at God's protection in that. Then Cade got Hand, Foot, Mouth disease (apparently highly contagious), but the rest of us were spared that. Next Kyle got a cold and passed it to Cade and I was spared that. At this point I was pretty convinced God was totally in my corner, protecting me for upcoming pregnancy.

At the same time, I was having doubts thinking could it really be possible to try 3 times and get pregnant 3 times? Come on, what are the odds? But I would remind myself, I am not a statistic to God. I told my doctor that I did not want to know my chances for success because I know myself and I know the mind games a number like that could play with me. She agreed, but had to throw in with a smile (my realist/pessimist doctor), "Okay, but I can tell you they are really good since you have a baby from this same set of embryos."

Transfer day came and I was so thrilled to have both our babies safely inside of me and as far as I was concerned, to be "pregnant" with them. I prayed for our two babies that they were growing and thriving inside me, that I would have the privilege and blessing of bringing them home in my arms and being their mom here on earth and raising them all for God's glory. I would always end my prayer with, but Lord Your will, not mine. Sometimes that last part was hard because sometimes what I really wanted to say was, "Please, please, please my will, LORD!!"

The twins' story: I went when the clinic opened for my blood test and prayed I would not have to wait long for the results. I had been wanting a chronological Bible so I went to the Christian bookstore, but it wasn't open yet. I noted that its Christmas hours meant I had 40 minutes to kill so I went to Walmart, which, of course, is always open. I bought some Matchbox cars for the boys' stockings and some treats for our dog who, sadly, we just found out has cancer and isn't expected to live much longer. I then headed back to the bookstore parking lot to wait the remaining 10 minutes. I had not thought to take either of the two magazines I had gotten in the mail the day before, but thankfully Mike reads his Bible at lunch and it was in his car which I was driving. I read a few passages (Proverbs 3: 5-6; Philippians 4:6-8; Psalm 118:23-29; Psalm 126).

When the doors opened I had a very educated salesperson help me look at my choices in chronological Bibles. I looked for a brief time before choosing one and heading up to pay. Just as he told me my total, my phone rang. I saw the number and new it was the IVF clinic. I looked at the salesperson, vaguely aware that there was another customer in line behind me and hoping the clerk would abandon my order when I said, "I'm sorry, I have to get this." I stepped to the side and there was a small storeroom with its door open, I stepped just to the opening of it to have a small amount of privacy.

For the third time following a blood test I heard the IVF nurse - Joni's voice and knew almost immediately it was not good. She was speaking way too slowly and without a hint of excitement. She said, "Tina (long pause) This is Joni (long pause) it's not good (pause) it was negative." I was thinking she must mean something else, she must mean there is still some kind of a chance, she can't really mean what she was saying. She went on to say that we were welcome to have a free follow-up appointment with our doctor, that I needed to stop all my medications and I would start my period. She said, "I don't know if you already know if you want to try again." This I was sure of, I knew it was our last try and told her so.

In a zombie-like state I hung up and returned to the register where inexplicably the cashier was still waiting for me and unfortunately I didn't have the presence of mind to apologize to the person behind me or just say I'm sorry I need to go. So I stayed and listened, staring blankly, as the salesperson described an Archaeological Bible I had also been interested just before The Phone Call. I nodded and um, hmm-ed appropriately, I think, until I was mercifully done and able to leave. He told me to have a great day and I said I would and told him to have one too.

I got to the car and dialed Mike's number, he was at home with 5 year old Kyle and 20 month old Cade. His voice mail picked up after several rings. I started driving. I tried Mike. Voice Mail. Tried Mike. Voice Mail. (repeat, repeat, repeat). At this point I was still not crying, partially because I was so ticked that Mike wasn't answering when he knew good and well where I was and what news we were awaiting. I briefly considered calling other people, but abandoned that idea when I realized that might mean Mike would find out through the grapevine rather than from me. I kept calling until I finally reached him when I was about 2/3 of the way home. When I heard his voice and knew what words needed to come from my mouth, that is when I lost it. I managed to sob out, "I'm not pregnant." I was briefly worried he would hear the word "pregnant" and think it was good news, but I'm pretty sure there was never any confusion.

He asked me if I was driving and if I could pull over. I told him I just wanted to get home. He told me to be careful and I said I would and then because there was really nothing else to say, I said, "I'm hanging up now."

The rest of the day was filled with many more tears, many hugs, support, and encouragement from sweet family and friends who had prayed with us and supported us through the process. The day also included much laughter thanks to my two clown-boys and a great movie (The Blind Side). Most assuredly and importantly the day brought many reminders of God's great, everlasting, unchanging love for me, the knowledge that He has a good plan for me and that all things work together for my good. I don't understand this, but I trust God with all my heart and know that he will make my path straight.

Part 2

After we had Kyle we both thought we would not do IVF again. We felt very blessed to have one child and with the expense and tremendous time and emotional investment we thought it was not a road we would go down again. I also really thought that there was a chance, maybe even a good chance, that I would have one of those "surprise pregnancies" once I was more preoccupied, more relaxed, and less focused on trying to have a baby. Once Kyle was born we never didn't try for another baby. I laughed when the doctor asked me about birth control. If we were ever to get pregnant unexpectedly and for free we would jump for joy a million times over!

When Kyle was just over 2 I really started to desire strongly to have another baby. Mike was more on the fence (at least that is how I remember, correct me if I'm wrong, honey!) . We talked about it more and more often and prayed about it and one day I specifically prayed for a sign if we were supposed to go down the IVF road again. That day I got a letter in the mail from our fertility clinic inviting us to tour their new clinic (the first contact from them in over 2 years)! I was like, "Okay, I'm ready, that is all the sign I need!" Mike was pretty convinced as well.

This time we got 9 eggs, 8 fertilized and 4 made it alive and healthy all the way to day 5. We transferred two embryos back into me and froze the other two for down the road, hopefully for future babies in a few years, but also available in case the first two didn't make it. It felt like a huge luxury we had not had the first time. Of course we were still tremendously invested in it working the first time, but at least this time we didn't have all our eggs in one basket. This time because I (and my eggs) were 3 years older our chance of success had gone down to around 60%. I had a better chance of getting pregnant than not, I was okay with that percentage, afterall I didn't have much say in it. But I was convinced it had not worked because I didn't feel the same symptoms I had remembered feeling with Kyle.

The beginning of Cade's story: After the two week wait I went to the lab for a blood test while Mike stayed home with two and a half year old Kyle. I didn't anticipate getting the results very quickly so I made a trip to the bookstore to kill some time. As I was driving home my phone rang and I quickly grabbed it and answered it just as I was going over the railroad tracks and about to round the corner and cross a bridge (ha, that sounds like a setup for a car crash, but I'm just describing it because it is really clear in my mind exactly where I was when I heard the news) the same IVF nurse, Joni said, "I have some good news for you! You're pregnant, your number was 219!" I again started sobbing and she asked if I was driving and if I would be okay. I assured her I was fine and I arrived home just a couple of minutes later unable to wipe the smile from my face. Mike and Kyle were playing in the front yard and I beamed as I raced to hug Mike and tell him we were pregnant! We immediately told Kyle and let him call the grandparents and say in his sweet baby voice, "I'm gonna be a big brother."

...to be continued...

Part 1

Some of you who read this know that Mike and I struggled with infertility and some of you have no idea. We tried for 19 months before conceiving Kyle through IVF (invitro fertilization). I know to some people 19 months seems like nothing, I have certainly heard of people who went through a much longer time, but in the midst of it, not knowing when or if the time will ever come when you get to be the pregnant one, the one holding a child of your own, each month can seem like an eternity.

We both learned countless, priceless, eternal lessons which I would love to share at some point, but this story isn't about that right now. For memory-sake and catharsis I want to document some things. I think this will be a three-part writing.

The beginning of five year-old Kyle's story: Mike and I waited, on pins and needles, for the phone to ring. After going through weeks of shots, pills, ultrasounds, egg retrieval, daily updates on our embryos, embryo transfer and finally the roughly two week wait until the blood test, we were finally about to find out if I was pregnant for the first time ever. We began two weeks earlier with 6 eggs, 5 fertilized, 4 grew until the 5th day when only two still remained alive and growing, the doctor transferred both of those embryos back into me. We were given an 85% chance of success which I was thrilled with until my realist/pessimist doctor reminded me that 15% failure is still a big number! We literally had all our eggs in one basket and if it didn't work we would have to make the decision whether or not to start from scratch again, another $10,000+.

I had gone to the lab that morning and when the phone rang a couple of hours later my heart beat wildly. The IVF nurse Joni said, "Tina, we consider anything above 30 pregnant..." I was so accustomed to negative pregnancy tests and phone calls from nurses with negative blood test results that in my mind I thought, she's going to tell me my number was 29. But she continued, "Yours was 209! Congratulations!" I started sobbing and Mike didn't know if it was good or bad news, but finally figured it out and we were on cloud nine for pretty much the next 9 months and 5 years.

...to be continued...

So thankful

We had the scariest time of our lives tonight. I was cooking dinner and had just asked Mike to come in and shred some chicken for me, from that point on everything seems like a blur of activity, all happening in jumbled, concurrent time. We heard a bumping sound, then a very brief cry from Cade, then an, “I’m so sorry, Cade,” from Kyle.

But no more crying.

I was stirring cheese sauce at the stove, so Mike went in to investigate. In the back of my mind I was both relieved that there was no more crying, but also alarmed because the only other time I remembered hearing Kyle apologize so quickly and sincerely to Cade was when he accidentally knocked Cade’s tooth loose.

It was only moments later when Mike came into the kitchen saying, “Tina, Tina, it’s bad!” I dropped what I was doing and turned to see Mike laying a limp and unconscious Cade on the floor and repeatedly calling out his name, then directing me to call 911. My initial thought was that Cade was paralyzed. The phone wasn’t where I expected it to be, but I quickly found it and dialed the numbers you never want to have to dial.

I think I may have asked what happened, but I’m not sure. I remember screaming over and over again, “Oh My God!!! Dear LORD!!! God help us!!!” I remember screaming to the 911 operator for help in a complete panic, but by God’s grace managing to carefully articulate our address for her. I remember her asking me questions and I couldn’t put a cohesive thought together other than to say that I didn’t know what happened because I hadn’t seen it. I remember seeing Mike doing what seemed to be CPR on Cade and I was just screaming and praying and begging God for Cade to be okay.

At some point Cade started to open his eyes, but they rolled back in his head and he did some weird movements and I thought it was really, really bad.

Finally, he started crying and I felt relief like when you hear your baby’s first cry at birth. The 911 operator heard the crying and asked if that was him and then told me that was a good sign. I heard the sirens and felt even more relief. By this time we had all somehow migrated to the couch with Mike still holding Cade and I went to open the front door and flag the paramedics down. When Cade saw the fire truck and ambulance he pointed outside and said, “Da.” (His go-to word, in this case meaning, “Look, there, fire truck, ambulance.”)

The wonderful paramedics checked him out and basically let us make the call whether we wanted them to take him to the hospital for a CAT scan and X-rays or observe him at home for a while. I was definitely leaning toward taking him, but Mike was confident we could keep him at home and watch him so that is what we did. He was very clingy to me for a while, but eventually got back to laughing and playing.

There is nothing like near-tragedy to bring life into perspective. We are thanking God for His protection and praising Him for Cade’s precious life.

I guess I should add that we don't really know exactly what happened. Kyle said he was running and didn't see Cade in time (or at all?) and knocked into him and Cade fell backwards, really hard, on the wood floor. Cade didn't seem to have any symptoms of a concussion so based on our internet research Mike and I are thinking he passed out from holding his breath because of the shock, upset, and pain. Mike said that when he saw him on the ground he scooped him up and Cade acted like he was going to cry, but just made some strange moves and then went totally limp and unconscious. We are just so incredibly thankful that Cade is okay and have instituted a "no running inside" rule (at least until the bubbles arrive - one for each boy).

Internet, I'll miss you so!

Okay, so I keep starting to write something, then I get distracted for a few days and when I go back to it I decide it's not worth finishing, hence the long stretches in between posts.

I am also in a funk with time management and have not fully adjusted to Cade now being a once-a-day napper. Although it is really great for being able to do things outside of the house, it is more difficult to find uninterrupted blogging time.

Then throw in a heaping portion of getting ready to move and voila! no time to blog.

Add to that, the fact that I will be without internet until mid-July (gasp! shudder!).

Maybe one day soon (after mid-July) I'll actually finish and post some of my drafts or start (and finish) some of the posts I have in my head, like all the craft things I have gotten to get back out since Cade is getting older. Well, while I'm here I'll just show you a couple of them.

First, here is a grocery list I made for Kyle a couple of years ago that he and Cade are now both using. I searched for free printable food images on the web then printed, colored, and laminated them. I hole-punched and put them on a clasp ring and there you go!Second, I had fun coloring this pasta. All I did was get sandwich baggies and put in some dry pasta and a few drops of food coloring and a few drops of rubbing alcohol and shake it around until the pasta was all colored. Then I spread it out on wax paper until it was dry.

The options are limitless for these babies: sorting, counting, collages, etc. I get plastic eggs, measuring cups, and all different sizes of containers out with these noodles and it keeps the boys busy for half an hour at least.Please be thinking of me while I'm in the black hole without internet. I'm sure to come out on the other side stronger! (I'm only half-way joking.)

The Vickenstain Bears and an Unexpected Twist

Kyle authored and illustrated this book a couple of months ago.

It all begins nicely enough:

Big home for little baby tigers to rest in when their mothers are gone looking for food for them. Bike with Brother Bear on it.

The Vickenstain Bears and their new dog.
Their oldest dog.

The Vickenstain Bears have their newest dogs.
Papa Bear has a cake.

Now for the surprise ending:

The Dungeon-Maker Prison for people who try to destroy the Vickenstain Bears.

Have a nice day.

Pretty Woman

I was in Nashville recently and needed to do some shopping. Wait, where should this story logically begin? Okay, I blogged a while back about my fear of hurtling uncontrollably toward the earth in a plane flying and the decision we were making regarding flying or driving to a friend's wedding approximately 3 gazillion miles away. Although I was open to flying, for a variety of reasons we ended up driving.

In the days just before we left, we got a contract on our house (Yippee!) and my mind was all consumed with offers, counter-offers, searching for a new house, etc. When it came time to leave I still didn't have a dress for the wedding. I took a couple of dresses that would suffice if absolutely necessary, but really didn't feel like they fit the bill of semi-formal/summer classy (I think that's what the invite said). Anywho, I figured I would have some time to look once we got to our destination.

We stayed over in Nashville on our way and I thought it would surely hold a lot of promise for my shopping expedition. It turned out perfectly that the boys both fell asleep after we had been to the zoo so Mike happily agreed to stay in the van and play BrickBreaker on my phone while they slept and I shopped.

Let me back up at this point, to say that I was dressed for walking around the zoo comfortably. While we were at the zoo we got caught in a downpour. Without an umbrella. Suffice it to say I was not a pretty sight by the time I arrived at the mall. I was a makeover waiting to happen. When I was pushing a stroller around the zoo I didn't exactly feel confident in my appearance, but I didn't feel like my sloppiness was drawing attention. However, walking around a ritzy mall by myself I suddenly had no apparent excuse for looking as frightening as I felt. I can only imagine what the salespeople were thinking as I rushed around and in and out of stores, trying to shop as quickly as possible knowing the boys may wake up at any minute and this was my one opportunity to find a dress. It may have just been my self-consciousness, but I didn't sense that the salespeople were that excited to help me.

Eventually (after walking what seemed to be the entire perimeter of the mall five times), I managed to find a dress which also required a new bra and new shoes. As I walked through the mall with my Ann Taylor dress bag, Macy's, and Victoria's Secret bags, I thought this is so Pretty Woman-ish. I could walk back in those stores, hold my bags up and say, "You work on commission, right? Big Mistake. HUGE."

Of course I think Julia Roberts a.k.a. Vivienne spent a few thousand more than I did, but I think we felt about the same.

Make These If You Dare

A very clever friend of mine made these for a cookie exchange a couple of years ago and I am forever grateful. If you like Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies (and who doesn't?) then you will love these.

All you need are these:and these:And you end up with these delicious little beauties:Melt the Andes chips, dip the crackers, then set to dry on waxed paper. I just ate about 14 of them. I would be eating more if I weren't typing. They are seriously dangerous.

Seller's Remorse

We are planning to move (I say planning because you never know what can happen since we have 2 houses to "close" on, but anyway that's another post) to a house that already has a swing/playset. We have had one of those plastic playsets for smaller kids like you see at daycares, you know? Then, because I'm crazy we also have another playset inside our house.

Yesterday we sold the big outside climbing playset. Once I knew the arrival of the buyers was imminent I began to go through a series of thoughts with the main theme being, "What was I thinking? I have two little boys, why did I agree to sell this great, awesome, super-fantastic tunnel-having, telescope-looking, clubhouse-climbing playset???" I told Mike and he was quite unconcerned, apparently he's used to my crazy mind-changing shenanigans. He optimistically said, "Maybe they'll get here and decide it's not what they wanted." "Oh, they'll want it," I assured him, "it's like the best playset in the whole world." Sure enough, after much puzzle-like placement in their pick-up, the new owners drove off with our playset.

I don't know what the root of my little sickness is, but I know the side effect is that when my kiddos like something I get the urge to buy them seventy-two more. Take for example Fisher-Price Little People. Kyle received a small set for his first birthday. In the three-plus years since, I have gone crazy buying every Little People toy that I come across at garage sales and second-hand shops. His collection probably rivals the children of the makers of Little People.

I do the same thing with books: Touch and Feel collections, miniature book collections, puffy book collections, etc. Kyle liked this little Lego set we got him that you build a miniature car from, now he has four. Anyone know a name for this behavior?

It took a little self-convincing last night, but I think I finally believe that Cade will not grow up hopelessly deprived knowing that when he was a toddler he only had two playsets and not three.

Quick Funny

My little guys both love this lift-the-flap book and it cracks me up every time I read it. (Obviously, I'm easily amused.)

The name of the book is Daddy and Me, the first page reads: "I'm helping Daddy make something, first we saw the wood. Where is Daddy's saw?" Lift the flap and find the saw in the closet.
"Then we measure the wood. Where is Daddy's tape measure?" Lift the flap and...

Wait, stop, hold the press. First we saw the wood, then we measure it? I'm not very confident about the father's handy-man abilities.

Recipe Re-Cap and Review

My personality is to jump in with both feet when I get an idea or find something I like. So when I finally decided to try a recipe from the cookbook I had gotten two years earlier, Deceptively Delicious, I made almost every type of puree she described and have tried many of the recipes.

Here are my reviews of the recipes I've tried. I know several of you have said you have this cookbook too, I'd love to hear which recipes you've tried and how you liked them.

French Toast (with pumpkin) page 49 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Scrambled Eggs (with cauliflower) page 53 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Banana Bread (with cauliflower) page 54 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Chicken Nuggets (with broccoli and beet) page 75 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy! They looked very strange and they were very difficult to fry without burning, but maybe that's my own personal handicap and not the recipe's fault.

Italian Meatloaf (with carrot) page 79 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Pita Pizzas (with spinach) page 96 - Only one vote: Okay. I made this just for myself and found the spinach did not disappear either in presentation or taste, I don't think my kids would eat this, but it was edible to me.

Macaroni and Cheese 1 (with butternut squash and cauliflower) page 104 - The vote was unanimous: Just a'aight for me dog (sorry I just channeled Randy from Idol).

Burgers 2 (with mushrooms and zucchini) page 115 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy! I didn't read the directions correctly and used pureed zucchini rather than grated, but it was not a problem.

Spaghetti Pie (with broccoli and carrot) page 116 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy! I have made this twice, the first time I used seasoned spaghetti sauce and it was awesome; the next time I used plain tomato sauce like the recipe calls for and I didn't like it as well, but no one else complained.

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches (sweet potato or butternut squash) page 135 - After some tweaking, the vote was unanimous: Yummy! The first two times I made them with butternut squash, Cade, Mike and I loved them. Kyle hated them. The second time I added more cheese than called for, Kyle still wouldn't touch them. The third time I added more cheese still, Kyle still wouldn't touch them. The fourth time I used sweet potato (but only half of what it called for) and I probably doubled the cheese and Kyle ate it up. He was leery from the recent grilled cheese experiences and had warned me beforehand he does not like mushy cheese!!

Tortilla "Cigars" (with yellow squash and carrot) page 144 - no one liked these, except moi so I probably won't be making these again, although personally I thought they were really good.

Tacos (with sweet potato or carrot or butternut squash) page 148 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Doughnuts (with pumpkin and sweet potato) page 160 - The vote was unanimous: Yummy!

Chocolate Cake (with beets) page 194 - The vote was unanimous: Just Edible. The cake was dry and I could definitely detect a "beety" flavor. It was okay with lots of frosting, but I don't think I'll make it again.

As you can see, it has been almost all success. I don't know what it is, but Kyle in particular (my pickiest eater by far) loves these recipes and almost always says, "Make this again, Momma!" or "I want this for lunch tomorrow."

I made a homemade pizza last night and to my ground turkey I added pureed carrot and pureed broccoli. There was only a 1/2 cup total of pureed veggies, but it was more than we would have had otherwise. I am beginning to think Kyle might not end up malnourished after all! Cade hasn't hit his picky stage yet so he has eaten it all up.

Reusable Bags with an OCD Twist

This is my first Works For Me Wednesday post - long-time lurker, first-time linker.

It would be fair to say I am slightly obsessive about raw meat safety. In the process of making meatballs I probably wash my hands no less than 5 times. I cringe when I see a chef on TV just wipe their hands on a dishtowel after working with raw meat or, even worse, when I'm at someone's house and they do that. Soap and water are our friends!

When I shop it makes me crazy when raw meat or poultry gets bagged together with my cookies or ice cream fresh fruit or whole grain bread. I have concluded that the only bagging training the checkers get is to be certain that under no circumstance should they put the bags in my cart for me while I am caring for my children, getting my coupons ready, and paying for my stuff. (I have occasionally wondered if their pay gets docked if they are caught putting bagged groceries into a cart for a customer.) I told my four year old that when I was a little girl they not only put the bags in your cart, but they wheeled your cart out, and put the groceries in your car - many times I longed for that type of service when I was pregnant!

Anyway, on to the three things that work for me:
First, since I am often distracted when they are bagging my purchases and may not catch them in time, I try to put the raw meat and poultry on the counter last, so that there is at least a chance they will bag them separately.

I have a different method when I shop Aldi because there you bag your own groceries and use your own bags (unless you want to buy bags, which I do not). I have a few different types and colors of bags. I only have one white bag though so I always use that bag for raw meat. Since I'm bagging my own groceries I can make sure to separate raw meat from cookies, fresh veggies, yogurt, etc. If all of your bags are the same you could tie a ribbon around one to designate it as your raw meat bag.

Third, when I don't use reusable bags, I always save and reuse the plastic bags, except the ones that had eggs and raw meat in them, those get thrown away just in case I end up re-using the bag for something other than trash in the future.

Protecting myself and my family from salmonella and e-coli works for me!

For more great tips check out: We Are That Family.

Love a Bargain

I was super excited to find these two adorable pairs of shoes for Cade at Once Upon a Child today. The blue ones are Pedipeds and in the past I have paid over $30 for them. The khaki ones are the Croclings I mentioned in this post were on my "want list" for the boys, they retail for at least $20.

I paid $10 a piece and no one would know they aren't brand new except me (well and now you, but I know you won't tell anyone. Actually go ahead and tell, I love a bargain!) I'm still on the hunt for Croclings in Kyle's size and a nice pair of sandals for him, I love his little feet in sandals!

I didn't even have to use my "discretionary money" for these because I have an amount set aside each month in our Freedom Fund for clothes and these fell within that amount, woohoo!

Money, Saving, Holes in Pockets, etc.

I must profess my love for spreadsheets. Also for on-line banking, balancing the checkbook, creating budgets, and on and on. I eat it up. So when I read Debt-Proof Your Marriage and learned about all kinds of money management techniques I could hardly wait to turn them into spreadsheets and plug in our numbers.

It has been eye opening! We have had a budget for years, or at least I thought we did. What we actually had was a list of expenses and income which wasn't taken very seriously. When we "needed" something I would just buy it whether we had the money or not. We have a handy little crutch called a home equity loan. I would basically buy whatever I wanted using the credit card and pay the credit card in full every month. So I thought I was doing everything right because we didn't carry over any credit card debt.

But sometimes (probably most of the time) in order to pay the credit card I would have to borrow from our home equity account until Mike's next paycheck. Most of the time (or sometimes) when he got paid I could pay back what I had borrowed from our equity line, but not always. Even when I was paying it back we were basically living one paycheck behind all the time in a never-ending cycle.

As long as I paid our credit cards in full though, I convinced myself we were doing fine and not in debt. After I read that book it really brought some things to light for me. (I had also just read The Duggars: 20 and Counting! and it was very inspiring in many ways, but one specific thing is that they have no debt, not even mortgage debt.)

Mike does not really like to read so I summarized the book for him and we committed to stop using our credit card and our home equity line, period. That completely opened my eyes to what true needs are.

Prior to stopping our credit use cold turkey, when I would make a trip to Sam's Club I would pass the black olives and think, "Oh, that's a good price and we need black olives." I would throw them in the cart and there went $7. Well, that's great, we would use them, but a few more purchases like that would seriously throw my grocery budget out of whack when I really only "needed" one can of black olives that week which would last until the next paycheck when I could afford more black olives.

Even toilet paper is not truly a need unless you are out, but I would buy it just because I was there whether or not we were running low.

Now I am much more strict about only buying what is on my list and not buying things until we are out (unless there is room in the budget and I won't have to borrow from our future paycheck).

We have been through several different money management systems in our almost twelve years of marriage. For a while we were using our debit cards for everything so we could track all of our spending, but we would still pull out the credit card if it was a big purchase or we knew we were close to running out of funds in our checking account.

Then we went to a cash only (or cash mostly) budgeting system and that worked somewhat successfully for a while, but there were so many things we couldn't use cash for (bills for one thing and it is very inconvenient to buy gas with cash when you have kids with you) so we gradually fell away from it. The best thing that came out of the cash system was Mike getting a specific amount of cash out for himself with each paycheck. That saved us some fights because I knew exactly how much he would be taking out each pay period and I didn't have to see all the individual charges he made and get upset when I judged some of his purchases as wasteful. I never kept cash out for myself because I just spent all the money that was left.

Once we stopped using credit it took us about two months of watching our spending very closely in order to pay the credit card bill we already had without using our equity line and we did not spend a dime that was not absolutely necessary during that time. I am happy to say our spending plan is now working for us and we are living on 80% of our income (giving 10% and saving 10%).

As part of our spending plan we both get the same amount of cash out each pay period and we call it "discretionary money." (It's just semantics, I like the sound of "discretionary money" better than "allowance.") I got my first discretionary money last Friday and it is so exciting! I spent all the money I wanted before, but I always felt guilty for it. Now I know I have a set amount that I can spend or save in any way I choose and I don't have to feel one bit guilty about it.

I have only spent $5 so far, but I have been tempted many times to use it for Chick-fil-A lunches for me and the boys, but I know I would probably regret spending it all on food! So I decided instead to track a list of "wants" and it is has gotten so big that if I buy all of it at full price it will take me a year of saving. I have things on my list I want to buy for the boys (a battery operated ride-in jeep, Croclings, books), things for the house (pots and pans, a new vacuum, re-tile our fireplace), and things for me (Photoshop Elements, bedroom makeover, new purse).

The old me would have looked at almost every single item on the list and seen it as an immediate need (really, I am a pro at justifying: I would have thought the ride-on jeep was a need because the boys won't be little forever so we "need" it now. My sad little, 3-wheeled vacuum seems like a "need" as I'm fighting to push it around the house, but I'm not desperate enough to go into debt over it). The new me is going to save, prioritize, and look for the right opportunity to make those purchases.

The other crucial part of this money management system is a Freedom Fund. We save (novel idea!) for irregular expenses (car insurance, Christmas and birthday gifts, vehicle and house maintenance, vacation, etc.). I tallied up and estimated (on the high-end) all of those type expenses from the past year and divided it by twelve months then added it all up and save that each month. There is more to it than that, but it is detailed in the book.

Here is my spreadsheet for our monthly spending plan. If you like it and want to use it, but need help tweaking it to fit your finances, or have any questions let me know. I'd love to try to figure it out with you. Monthly Spending Plan Spreadsheet

Bird Legs, Mouse Poop, Pods

Harmless seed pod thingies

I avoided my basket of laundry all day yesterday because Mike would not come home to see if there was a dead mouse in it. When he got home I showed him the suspect object from the trash and he immediately knew what it was. Some pod/seed thing from one of our trees which had dried out and shrunk up in the wash. Phew! Strangely enough I had been frightened by these strange looking things a few days earlier when Kyle carried some in and said, "Momma, look bird legs." Logically I knew they weren't really bird legs, but they looked so much like them I couldn't bring myself to touch them!

That is the closest shot I could get with my camera, but can you see how I might confuse it for mouse poop?

Still unfolded laundry, but at least I am not expecting to find a dead mouse within.

It Couldn't Be, Could It?

I pulled the clothes from the dryer this morning and after the last handful there remained a tiny brown object. I reach in to retrieve it and upon closer inspection think, this looks like mouse poop. (I have never actually seen mouse poop before, but I am guessing this is what it looks like).

As a hundred things run through my mind, I throw the pellet in the trash. I stand there pondering what to do. I look to see if it was possible for a mouse to have entered the dryer through the vent. It doesn't look possible, there is a grate with holes smaller than a dime covering it. Maybe a baby mouse? But then it couldn't leave a pellet that size. Maybe the mouse got in through the open door of the dryer? No, I never leave it open because the light stays on until I close it.

Maybe it isn't mouse poop, maybe it is a ??? I can't think of another scenario. The trash can is empty because it's trash day so I reach down and pull the brown object from the trash, look it over, break it in half (gag!!). Okay, still seems like it is possibly mouse poop!!! Ugh!!!

Then I think, if this is mouse poop, surely the suspect couldn't have pooped in the laundry basket and then gone on it's merry way because the poop would have gotten washed away. Therefore, if the pellet is poop that means a live mouse was in my dryer and now it must not be alive anymore. Furthermore, that means there is a possibility that when I dump the clothes out on my bed I will also dump a dead mouse. (screaming in terror)

So my clothes are in the basket in my laundry room and I guess they will stay there until Mike gets home and can figure out where to dump them (or inspect the pellet and completely rule out mouse poop). Gross, gross, gross.

If I saw a live mouse in my house I would be very distraught, but if there is a dead mouse in my laundry, oh my. I hope those aren't any of our favorite clothes because they will go in the trash along with, possibly, the dryer. Please don't be mouse poop, please don't be mouse poop, pretty, pretty please!!

Letter Confusion - Any Ideas?

I am using this book to teach Kyle to read and it is going great. He is doing so well, but when he is sounding out the words he gets mixed up between lowercase b/d and h/n. It is frustrating for him and while I know he will eventually learn to differentiate, I wish there was a way to make the process quicker for him.

I made these little cards with the lowercase b, d, h, and n and inside the lowercase I wrote the uppercase of that letter (he has no problem with the uppercase). We cover the uppercase with a magnet and he says what letter he thinks it is, then uncovers it to check himself. Does anyone have any other ideas for how I can help him learn to differentiate these letters? A rhyme maybe? Or a different way of thinking about it?


You can order cards to go along with the book or you can make your own. I had a ton of index cards so I decided to make our own.

The Cake(s)

I spent a decent amount of time trying to come up with an idea for Cade's first birthday bash. I found a few different ideas, but nothing that was really screaming to me that it was THE idea. Then I saw Bakerella's blog for Valentine's Day. She did a fourteen-layer cake for the fourteenth and it hit me that doing a twelve-layer cake (one for each month of Cade's life) was just the idea I was looking for.

Normally making the cake myself is a big savings from custom bakery cakes; however, I definitely did not save money by home-baking this time. The canned frosting was a pretty big expense (3 colors at approximately $3.50 per can, plus $1.50 each for 2 tubs of buttercream frosting) not to mention the ingredients for the frosting in between the layers, the cake mixes themselves, the cake pans, etc.

Here is a picture to prove I actually did bake each of the twelve layers separately. I washed, dried, buttered, parchment papered, re-buttered, and floured each pan. That was fairly time consuming.

I used two cake mixes for the twelve layers and the "smash cake".

When the first four cakes came out of the oven perfectly done and popped easily out of the pans I was thinking how cool I was and did some crazy move with my camera, the battery compartment popped open, and a battery flew into the batter of one of the small cake pans. Thankfully I had just enough batter left to replace the battery batter.

I am famous for burning the last tray of cookies so I did a huge happy dance when the last cakes came out and I didn't burn any of them!

I finished baking all the layers just in time to put the boys to bed and head back to the kitchen for the chocolate "glue" for the layers. Here are all the healthy ingredients for the chocolate syrup/frosting:

I started with a layer of cake and poured on a layer of syrupy frosting, layer of cake, layer of syrupy frosting, until I had all twelve layers. After I began stacking them I realized the importance of the step which had told me to spread the batter as evenly as possible. I had not spent much, if any, time attempting to get the batter level because I thought it would level itself while baking. Yeah, not so much. If I do it again I will definitely attempt to get the batter more level.

It took a lot of buttercream frosting to cover this cake!

Final product!

The smash cake had issues of it's own. I thought I was cutting the tops off evenly, but apparently not.
Cade's "smash cake" took an awful lot of frosting too.
He was ready to go!

Happy 1st Birthday, Cade!

One year ago tonight I was anticipating your arrival. I didn't know if you were a boy or a girl, but I knew I loved you and I couldn't wait to meet you.

One year ago tomorrow morning, at 9:08 to be precise, as you began to make your entrance your Daddy said, "I think it's a boy." Our doctor said, "I do too." and Mommy cried, "It's a boy?!" The answer I got was, "It's just a head now, but it looks like a boy." Moments later you were out and the doctor made it official, "It's a LAD! It's a boy!" Then in answer to my prayer you gave a good strong cry right away.

After you got cleaned up your Daddy carried you out to meet your big brother Kyle and many other family and friends who were anxiously awaiting your arrival. The nurse stole Daddy's thunder as someone asked, "What is it?" and the nurse replied, "It's a boy!" Oh well.

Your Daddy video taped almost every minute of you laying in your bassinet in the nursery while Mommy was in recovery, he knew I wanted to see all of it. And I did.

We took you home and couldn't believe there were four of us now. After all the waiting and praying you were here and it was so amazing. Daddy forgot to strap big brother in the car seat, the first of many times to come, it took some getting used to, needing to strap two kids in instead of one. But big brother was sure to remind us each time (not always in a cordial manner).

You were such a good baby, sleeping all the time, nursing like a pro. Between six and seven weeks you started sleeping through the night all on your own with no coaxing from mommy. Wow, a good night's sleep sure does wonders for mommy adjusting to two kids.

At first whenever we would go some place, while on the drive, Mommy would panic all of the sudden thinking we had forgotten you at home (we never had of course).

You figured out pretty early that you did not like your car seat and you made sure we knew about it. You cried pretty much the whole drive, anywhere we went, for the first few months.

You are a great baby brother. You generally go with the flow and things pretty much revolve around big brother, but you take it all in stride. You and your "Bubba" (what you call brother) adore each other and play together so well. Big brother's plans always include you (how you will live together when you are both grown, the jobs you will do, and the vehicles you will drive).

You definitely have your own personality and you smile and laugh all the time and you love being the center of attention when opportunity presents.

A lot of kids first learn to imitate a doggie with a "woof woof". Not you, you love to make the elephant sound complete with trunk (arm) motion. It's often the first thing you do in the morning.

You keep us on our toes, completely unlike your big brother. While mommy put groceries away within five minutes today you were into: the dog food, the trashcan, the things under mommy's sink, and the electrical cord on the lamp.

You do not like naptime, you cry every time I put you down because you were having so much fun whatever we were doing! But you settle down in less than a minute and then take a great nap.

Your favorite time of day is when Daddy gets home from work. You crawl to him as fast as you can and he lifts you high in the air, then you wave bye-bye to mommy as if to say, "Okay, Daddy and I can take it from here."

You are such a blessing and a joy to us and we thank God every day that he chose us to be your family. We love you Little Cade! Dada, Momma and Bubba

Cade, we pray that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. (Ephesians 3:17, 18)

I Don't Have a Fear of Flying, It's More About the Crashing

We have a wedding in May. It's the wedding of a close friend and by "close" I mean: only people who share my bloodline have been in my life longer.

In the first grade she and I got off to a rocky start. I was wary of her "spots" (remnants of her recent chicken pox) and told my mom as much. I don't remember exactly, but my mom must have given me some good advice because several bad perms, dozens of slumber parties, and a gazillion hours on the phone later we are still friends.

Alas, her wedding is many, many miles away and the thought of traveling all those miles by car with two small children is a bit daunting. Actually Kyle is a car trip champion and I wouldn't worry about him, but in Cade's first twelve months he has yet to prove himself as a pleasant road trip companion (bless his heart) and I think it is not realistic to expect much improvement by May.

Last night Mike said, "I don't suppose you would consider flying?"

Oh my.

Immediately the Alanis Morrisette song "Isn't It Ironic" popped into my head. You know the one?

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole (bleep) life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

I used to fly with virtually no problem. I first flew by myself when I was probably 10 or 11 years old and really considered myself quite sophisticated for it. On my first unaccompanied flight I got the brilliant idea to order coffee and the stewardess gave me coffee. Seriously? Try as I might, I couldn't choke the stuff down so I did what any rational person would do and stuffed my napkins in my cup to absorb as much of the liquid as possible then went without a drink for the remainder of the flight. (Shaking head in disbelief. Oh I am such a dork.) Incidentally to this day I don't drink coffee. Coincidence?

Then 9/11 happened and I have not stepped on a plane or even considered it since. Mock me if you will.

When Mike posed the question about flying, with only a little hesitation I said, "Sure. If it's our time to go to Heaven then I'm ready." I think I may be more serious than joking. I really, really, really don't want to get on a plane. On the other hand, I really don't want to drive eleventy hundred hours with Cade in the span of 3 or 4 days.

and isn't it ironic...don't ya think?...

Did I mention I am claustrophobic?

Success and Failure

I tried two more Deceptively Delicious recipes - tacos and grilled cheese sandwiches. I tweaked the taco recipe and it was a hit with the whole family! Woohoo! Of course I consider tacos to be pretty healthy anyway because of the lettuce, tomato, avocado and fat free refried beans, but hey, add in squash that we would never otherwise eat and a little carrot and it's all the healthier.

Today at lunch I was feeling pretty confident about trying the grilled cheese with butternut squash puree. Until I saw that it called for 1/2 cup of squash puree and 1/2 cup of cheese. Whoa, that's a lot of squash relative to cheese. I was even more leery when I actually started mixing it up. See what I mean?

Pretty much just looks like a bowl of squash. Hmm, if I'm reluctant about it, I'm pretty sure Kyle is going to question it. I added a little bit more cheese than it called for; still it was pretty squashy looking.
I didn't use whole wheat bread because I have these dollar rolls which are yummier and Kyle usually eats up anything I put on them.

Kyle took his first bite. I held my breath. Then he asked, "Do we have lots of these left?"

Score! Nonchalantly I said, "The sandwiches? Yes, we have a couple more."

"No, the rolls. I don't like the cheese."

Bummer. I thought they were good though and Cade ate his up too. I'll make them again and add more cheese/less squash or try it with sweet potato instead of squash (I wonder if this is the record for most use of the word "squash" in one post? squash squash squash).

Can't win 'em all, but I'm encouraged so far!
I'll put my version of the recipes to be sure I'm not breaking any copyright laws.

Tacos
1 lb. ground turkey
1 TBSP olive oil
1/4 c. butternut squash puree
1/4 c. carrot puree
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can diced or crushed tomatoes (14.5 oz.)
minced onion, cumin, paprika, garlic powder, oregano, chili powder, crushed red pepper (I have no idea the amounts on these, you can just use a package and it would be easier)
1 cup water

Add olive oil and turkey to skillet. Fully cook turkey then add vegetable purees, garlic, taco seasonings (or packet), canned tomatoes, and water. Simmer 15 minutes or until you're ready to eat.

While the meat is cooking grate cheese (cheddar, monterrey jack, colby, whatever you have), cut up tomatoes, lettuce and avocado.

My personal favorite is the taco burger, but we usually a combination of shells, tortillas, and/or buns.

Grilled Cheese
3/4 c. grated cheddar cheese
1/2 c. butternut squash puree
1 TBSP Promise spread
Dash of salt
Enough bread or buns for 2 to 3 sandwiches

Mix your cheese, squash, trans-fat free spread, and salt in a bowl, then spread on your bread of choice. Spray a skillet with no-stick spray and heat over low/medium heat. Add a teaspoon of olive oil (not sure if this is really necessary). Heat until warmed through.

We are fasting from TV this week! More on that later.

Deceptively Nutritious

After we put the kids to bed Sunday night, I asked Mike, "Do you want to do what Jerry Seinfeld is doing tonight?" He looked at me a little suspiciously so I told him that on Sunday nights after his kids are in bed, Jerry is in the kitchen keeping his wife company as she purees veggies to put in their unsuspecting kids' food.

Mike did not jump at the opportunity so I went ahead with the process on my own. But he came in to the kitchen part-way through, started washing his hands, and asked what he could do. After my polite, "Oh, that's okay, honey, don't worry about it," was rebuked and a second offer extended, I quickly accepted and delegated some duties!

I have had Deceptively Delicious, the cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld, for going on two years. I've looked through it on several occasions, but the puree-ing process seemed too daunting to me. Something got into me recently though, whether it was frustration over Kyle not eating, or the Halls eating so healthfully, or something else, I'm not sure, but I decided to give it a try. So I bought vegetables I never buy, including some I don't even like (beets, gag!), then roasted and steamed my little heart out and this was the result:


Look at those bright colors! It just screams "Healthy!" Doesn't it?


I started out following Jessica's (we're on a first name basis) advice of putting the purees in storage baggies, but I found that to be very messy so I got out my muffin tins and discovered that they hold approximately 1/4 cup, which was just the amount I needed, woohoo! I poured my purees in the tins and put them in the freezer. Once frozen, I put the muffin tins into a casserole dish of very shallow warm water, just for a few seconds, so the purees would pop out easily. Then I put the little portions directly into gallon-sized freezer bags like this:

Now I have several 1/4 cup portions of the following: cauliflower, butternut squash, carrots, beets, broccoli, and yellow squash. (I did need to do it in stages due to freezer space and muffin tin availability, but I just refrigerated the purees until needed).

I did it all in two batches. The first batch took me about an hour and that was with Mike helping. The second batch took me over two hours and that was by myself. So a helper is definitely great!

Speaking of getting on random food kicks...does anyone remember I was going to do the Aldi Queen's menu/shopping plan? Umm, yeah, never happened. However, I am still shopping Aldi/Aldis and loving it!

For breakfast this morning we had scrambled eggs using the cauliflower puree. I could taste the cauliflower a little bit, but Kyle ate them up. If I didn't know the cauliflower was in there I don't think I would have realized what the taste was, just that it was a little different. I will definitely make them again. They also had a little Parmesan and sour cream which probably helped disguise the cauliflower.

Since I had a substantial time investment, I did feel some added pressure that Kyle needed to eat all of his eggs. Thankfully, he ate them without prodding, but obviously I need to work through that and get over it because I'm sure it's not always going to happen!

Tonight I made another recipe from the same cookbook. I made spaghetti pie in which the meatballs had broccoli and the sauce had carrots. The carrot part was not new to me because I almost always add carrots when I make Italian food; the broccoli part was new to me and when I saw what they looked like I was especially leery. See the picture below? Not too appetizing, although great for St. Patrick's Day. The recipe also called for me to put the meatballs in raw, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I partially cooked them in a skillet with olive oil before adding them to the sauce and pasta mixture, then baking.
I have only made spaghetti pie two or three times, including this and I have never gotten it to turn out like it is supposed to, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. The noodles did not crisp at all on top like the recipe said they should. However, it received rave reviews from my family! Seconds were requested and granted all around the table! Next time I can make it even healthier by adding less cheese, Mike thought it was so good he didn't even need the mozzarella on top (it has minimal Parmesan in the meatballs and also low-fat cottage cheese in the sauce).

I have not so fond memories of my mom making beets when I was a child and the smell filled the house and nauseated me (sorry Mom, no offense to you, really!), so I am anxious to try a recipe with them and see if indeed the taste is disguised and makes my dish deceptively nutritious, which makes more sense to me than the book's title Deceptively Delicious. Anyone else? Maybe I'm thinking about it wrong. Anywho.

Go, Go Gadget Arm Skin

I was picking a shirt out when Kyle walked in to my closet the other day. He doesn't normally see my bare tummy so he kind of studied it, reached out gently, and said, "You've got some marks there, don't ya?" I said, "I do, don't I?"

I then explained that when he was growing inside of me my tummy got so big, bigger than it had ever been before, and when it did, it made those marks. He didn't immediately respond, so I asked him what he thought about it. "I think that's not very nice," he said.

I assured him I don't mind them at all and that he was well worth the marks.

That's true, really they don't bother me. I wouldn't pay money to have them removed. If a highly-trained doctor offered to laser them off for free I don't even know for sure if I would do it. Okay, I probably would, but I don't see that happening anywhere other than hypothetically, so I guess the marks are here to stay and that's fine by me. What about you? Do you have them? Would you pay to have them removed? Or are they badges of honor?

Praise in the Storm

Praise the LORD! Brandon's results came back this evening. He has stage 4 cancer, BUT it is a type that is very responsive to chemo. He starts in the morning with his first round and the best news is that this cancer has a 90% cure-rate!

These precious friends are so firmly rooted in the LORD, it is a blessing and an honor to walk beside them in this life.

Kyle and I are reading Little Pilgrim's Progress (so good, highly recommend, it's our second time through it) and today we read how the character Mercy received a little golden anchor as a gift from the character Piety, who explained the meaning of the anchor like this:

"You know what is the use of an anchor. If it is firmly fixed the sailors do not mind how rough the sea may be. The anchor holds their vessel safely, though the waters may be tossing and the wind roaring all around them. So if you love the King, the hope that He will help you will keep your heart from failing. And, though you may be in the greatest danger or difficulty, you will never be really afraid."

Little Pilgrim's Progress is an allegory of (for? to?) the Bible and the above quote reminds me of this verse in Scripture:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:1b-2

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

God doesn't say "if" we have trouble, but "when" we have trouble. Believers aren't immune to troubles, but the deeper the anchor the more brightly God's glory is reflected and from my vantage I see God's goodness and glory shining radiantly in the Hall family. Pray for them, check their blog for updates, and encourage them as they pass through the waters and walk through the fire, God is surely with them.

Pray

Please join us on our knees for Brandon, Windy, Reed and Dossett.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him. Romans 15:13

Healed and Revealed

Don’t you just love showing off your scars? No? Me either. I recently heard a sermon which reminded me that is precisely what we should be doing though.

The pastor pointed out that it was the scars of Jesus which prompted Thomas to believe and stop doubting.

By definition a scar is a wound that has been healed. In the case of Jesus the wounds were caused by sin, not His, but the sins of others – the Roman soldiers’, the religious leaders’, mine, yours.

Our wounds may be from our own sin or they may be from hurts others have inflicted on us.

Some people are great at showing their scars and telling of the Father’s healing touch. I am not one of them. I know I have been healed; I know I have been forgiven. It is one of the most powerful sources of witness I can think of. Yet it is for that very reason our enemy wants desperately to convince us to keep our scars covered. What would people think if you tell them of the sin and hurt that caused those wounds? Good Christians shouldn’t have wounds like that. You’re supposed to be an example, that sin couldn’t possibly glorify God anyway. Hide it. Cover it up.

Just like Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his own brothers, I know that our enemy meant those sins and wounds for my destruction, but God used them for good.

God is good. God heals and He makes new. God didn’t forgive me because of anything good or special about me. He forgave me because of the perfect sacrifice of His Son. My righteous deeds are filthy rags, but He looks at me and sees the Spotless Lamb. He looks at me and sees His beautiful child, bought at a great price.

My past is ugly. My present is full of stumbling, but it is all part of the journey to the foot of the throne of grace – beautiful, wholly unmerited, but fully received – grace.

I want to show my scars, I want to proclaim in humility the touch of God in my life, how he picked me up out of the mire and set my feet on a firm foundation. I don’t have to enter each room and confess my sins to everyone in earshot, but I do need to be obedient and share them when God nudges me.

I want to be the light I am called to be and let others see it is within their reach to come out of the darkness. We can’t pull ourselves out of the mire though. God lifts us out when we stop striving and let His mighty and tender hand redeem our ashes.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 103, here are a few verses:

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;