Look what I made

It's been a while since I've posted, here is one of the things I worked on while I was away.


I'll do a whole post about how I made it including all of my trial and errors (this was a "third-times-a-charm" kind of thing and it really was easy once I figured it out, yea!).

The best sugar cookies

When we moved to our house back in July we had several neighbors bring us goodies. We have great neighbors.

One of our neighbors brought us sugar cookies and they are the best ever. Ever. I have never thought to bake or eat sugar cookies except at Christmas, but now I will eat them on a train and I will eat them in the rain. I will eat them on a boat and I will eat them with a goat! I will eat them winter, summer, spring, and fall; they are the best cookies of them all!

She did not mention it being a cherished family secret so I think it is okay to post it here.

Here goes:

Brown Sugar Cookies

2/3 cup butter flavored shortening
2/3 cup butter (cold, cut in cubes)
1 cup sugar
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 eggs, beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla
3 1/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375. Cream shortening, butter, and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, beating well. Sift dry ingredients together and add to creamed mixture. Stir to blend. Drop by teaspoonfuls into bowl of sugar sprinkles and coat one side, then place on cookie sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake at 375 for 12-15 minutes. Cool 2 minutes on cookie sheet, then transfer to cooling rack. Enjoy!

Do not change a single thing about this recipe or you will be sorry and have bad luck for 5 years. Just kidding :-) I can't be held responsible though if you don't sift the flour, use real butter and use butter flavored shortening, not regular shortening.

I should have taken pictures. This is me before I ate 73 cookies and this is me after. Because unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) Mike does not like sweets and my boys don't usually do a good enough job on their meals to score a cookie; therefore, it is left to me to eat them all before they get stale.

Green bean popsicles

My kiddos can be pretty picky eaters, especially with vegetables. They also sometimes get hungry before dinner is actually ready and on the table.

This is when green bean popsicles come in to play.

Actually, they aren't really popsicles we just call them that, they are actually frozen green beans and my boys eat them up!

They also like frozen corn and frozen peas and carrots. While dinner is finishing up, if they are lingering at my feet, I pull out the frozen veggies and put a bowl-full on the table. Bon appetite!

Slow learner

Some updated information on the marble magnets. The hole punches are about $13, but they are half price at Hobby Lobby this week. The marbles they are carrying now at Walmart (at least at My Walmart) are too small, but they are only $2.77 at Hobby Lobby for 2 pounds!

The reason I titled this post "Slow learner" is that while I was at Hobby Lobby getting 3/4" marbles I saw some larger flat marbles, approximately 1 1/4 inches. I was so excited, until I noticed they are the iridescent kind.

Remember me telling you the clear marbles work, but iridescent not so much? Well, I really, really wanted the big ones to work so I bought them and bought a 1 1/4" hole punch too. But amazingly enough, the iridescent ones still don't work. Go figure. Maybe I can find large clear marbles somewhere. Off to check on that.

Making many magnificient marble magnets

How about a project that is fun, virtually mindless, and the result is functional and cute!?

First you need some old magazines or catalogs.

You also need:

magnetic buttons
flat marbles
craft hole punch
glue




The clear marbles work best if you want to be able to clearly identify the images. I was lured in by the iridescent marbles, but figured out simple is better for this project. Mine came from Walmart and I have no idea how much they cost.

The magnets are from Walmart also. They are 3/4 inch diameter and they are very strong, which is great! I don't remember how much they cost, maybe $4 (for 50 magnets).

The hole punch is a must, you do not want to cut out numerous, perfect 3/4 inch circles by hand. I can't remember how much it was either, but I am thinking under $10 at the craft store.

So basically what I'm saying is I have no idea how much the whole thing costs, but it is really fun!

Oh, the glue, I do know how much it cost because it actually has a sticker, $3.99 at the craft store.

I like to make sets, like these superhero magnets.


Or these Christmas ones.



Sesame Street magnets are sweet.



But my personal favorites are the food ones.


I usually sit down with my magazines and all of my supplies. Then when something catches my eye I test it out with a marble to make sure that the image will be appealing and that you can tell what it is. The marbles magnify the image and you would be amazed at what tiny images work perfectly for this project.

Okay, here are the actual steps involved.

1) Find an image you want to make into a magnet.



2) Hole punch your image, I turn my punch upside down so I can see exactly what is going to be punched.

3) Get a magnet and put a small drop of glue on it.


4) Put your hole-punched image on the glue and move it around a little to spread out the glue.

5) Put another drop of glue on top of the image (it dries clear).


6) Put the marble on top of the image and the glue will spread out perfectly.


7) Let dry.

P.S. My camera did a really good job of capturing all the flaws, so maybe you'll just take my word for it how cute and glossy they are in real life.

The rest of the bead board

A bit of background information.

House #1 - We had all enormous furniture. Really, gigantic.

House #2 - After Kyle was born I quit my job and we down-sized a little. We sold our gigantic furniture and bought some smaller pieces that fit our smaller house. In the master bedroom there was a window where our bed needed to go, so the window and curtains functioned as our headboard.

House #3 - We have some more room now, but just a mattress on a frame and our headboard is just a blank wall. I knew I did not want to buy a bed, but rather make a headboard from an old door or the like.

After our success with the bead board wallpaper in our entry, I immediately went to our bedroom and measured. Yes! We had the perfect amount of wallpaper left to make a headboard. Without any hesitation I pasted it on the wall and then restrained myself for an entire week before purchasing the trim pieces to complete it.

Total cost for the headboard was around $40. The big molding piece at the top was $23, the side molding was $10, the small amount of paint and leftover wallpaper amounted to less than $5. Not bad, I say!

House #2 window/curtain headboard

I wish I had a before picture, but you can imagine there was just a bed and a wall. The room is a work in progress, so focus on the headboard. You can also look at the wall color, the Pottery Barn Outlet curtains (I had originally purchased for our living room), and the three blue thrift-store pillows which match the curtains per-fect-ly.

Bead board makeover

There was a certain project I had been wanting to do in our entry for a while. I had a vision of bead board paneling, a shelf, and coat hooks. When I discovered bead board wallpaper, yes wallpaper, it was time to get started.

Mike was definitely hesitant about the wallpaper part of the project. But I assured him it would look great and worst case scenario: we would cover over it with real wood bead board.

Here is our before, the wall was screaming out for some attention. Love me! Make me beautiful! Give meaning and purpose to my life!



Below is the after. Now all of our other walls are jealous!



I am too lazy to get up and get my receipts right now, but it all cost less than $100. It took us a whole day, but that was working around Kyle and Cade and having to make two trips to the home store. I spent my Christmas money on it, so for those of you reading who gave me money for Christmas -- thank you!

My initial plan was to paint the shelf white, but then at the last minute I thought it might look really fun (not funny, mind you) to paint it satin nickel and compliment the hutch and mirror on the opposite wall. Mike was once again a Doubting-Dan, but I told him I could re-paint it white during one afternoon nap time if need be.

I LOVE it!! It is one of my favorite projects ever. And. It was so easy! Well, for me anyway, all I did was come up with the idea and put paste on the wallpaper, but Mike didn't seem to be struggling too terribly with the rest of it.

Now we are left to decide what goes on the ledge. I have two ideas, either put a wire with clips above it and hang the kids' artwork or frame some of their artwork to set on the ledge (my preference).

Mike thinks that is a great idea!

...for the playroom or the kids' bedrooms. His feelings are that we are the only ones who like their art so it shouldn't be in the main living area. Okay, fine, possibly true, but - it is our house, so that's okay if only we like it. So we are at an impasse (I used that word correctly, right?).

What do you think?

We only used a partial roll of the bead board wallpaper and the rest was the perfect amount for another project I had been dreaming of, hint, hint on the dreaming part. Check back to see that one.

Breaded bacon and cakes

Have you ever breaded your bacon?


Oh man, it is good!



I prefer cooking my bacon in the oven because it holds its shape and is less messy than on the stove top, in my opinion. I usually lightly dredge it in flour just to make sure it holds in more grease. But seriously, it is really good and we don't eat bacon that often so I don't feel bad about it.


I thought it was done in this picture, but ended up putting it back in for a couple of minutes more, I really don't want to mess around with undercooked bacon.

If you like salmon cakes, and even if you think you don't, I have a recipe that has been a huge hit at our house. I made it with the breaded bacon last night, but really breading the bacon probably isn't necessary for this recipe. I planned to have extra bacon for breakfast so it was worth the trouble in this case.

I was inspired for this recipe by the winner of Next Food Network Star, Melissa D'Arabian, but have altered several things because I found hers were too soggy and wouldn't hold together, although they were very tasty.

Here is my version:

3 strips of bacon, cooked and chopped (reserve the grease)
1/2 onion, chopped and sauteed in remaining bacon grease
1 egg
1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 (14 oz.) can salmon
1 c. frozen hashbrowns (allowed to thaw a bit)
1/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese

Combine above ingredients then form into medium-sized patties and coat in the following mixture:

1/2 c. seasoned bread crumbs and 1/4 c. Parmesan cheese

Heat reserved bacon grease on a griddle at 350 and cook until golden brown about 3 to 4 minutes per side. They are also good on a small warm roll, sandwich-style.


P.S. I forgot to take a picture until after dinner, I think I actually started off with about a dozen.

One small step for frugality

You know the Softsoap Ensembles decorator hand soap dispensers? I was so glad when those came out. I kept looking at hand soap dispensers at places like Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but never could bring myself to fork over the cash for the ones I liked.

So I was fairly excited when I saw these babies. Until the first time one ran out of soap. I got out my Sam's Club gallon-sized soap refill jug and discovered how crafty the Softsoap people are. They made the bottles in such a way that it is nearly impossible to refill. It is not just an open bottle when you take the top off. Oh no, they are too clever for that, there are little tiny slits that take forever for the soap to drain down through. Most normal people would not spend the time it takes to refill it, cha-ching!

But I am no normal person. I spent forever refilling it the first time. Pouring in about a tablespoon at a time and waiting, waiting, waiting for it to ever so slowly drip down. Mike kept walking through the kitchen saying supportive things like, "Are you kidding me?" and "You are crazy." I said, "Oh no, I will not throw away my pretty soap dispensers and I certainly will not pay $3 for a refill jar when I can buy a whole gallon of liquid soap at Sam's Club for $6!"

I was determined. After spending roughly the entire afternoon filling that little puppy (okay, maybe not quite an afternoon, but it seemed like it), the next time I figured out that if you put a funnel in the jar and fill it with liquid soap it will slowly seep down (takes about 20 minutes without my needing to stay and babysit it) and be good to go. My funnel is the perfect size and it only takes one fill of it to do the job.

Three dollars for an 8.3 oz. refill bottle or $6 for a gallon refill jug? Let's test our math skills. Umm, I think I'll take the gallon jug!

Of course the funnel thing would work on refilling any hand soap dispenser (I always make a mess filling the regular ones too) and I'm sure most of you already had that figured out, but don't tell me, it will hurt my feelings.

Their website has a coupon for $1 off the dispensers.

I heart satin nickel

I have a slight addiction to Satin Nickel spray paint. It ever so slightly reminds me of the mirrored furniture from Pottery Barn. So I use it everywhere in my house. Kind of kidding. It's not exactly the same, but I'll take my $100 second-hand hutch plus $10 worth of spray paint over paying $800 for a smaller Pottery Barn dresser, thank you.

Above is a before shot of the hutch. I took the handles off and puttied the holes only to realize it was going to be a lot of trouble and expense to replace the handles so I ended up putting the original handles back on and painting them right along with the hutch. I don't have a before picture of the mirror hanging above the hutch, but it is just a plastic mirror that was red and black.


Below is the only "before picture" I could find for my next victims, er, lovelies. Notice the gold mirror above the fireplace and the two floral pictures hanging above the couch with gold frames.

In a side-note: this is the world's heaviest mirror. I bought it for $50 at a consignment store over 10 years ago and will probably use it somewhere in my house for the rest of my life. It was a good purchase. You can't tell from the picture, but it is really simple except for this dental molding feature at the bottom. (The picture is from our old house.)



The mirror is now black (this I painted before discovering Satin Nickel).


The no-longer-gold frames.



Below is an unusual little table I bought second-hand. I really had no use for it, but thought it would be cute painted. The white part is kind of iridescent in real life.



I have the perfect spot for it now, in between two wing chairs my mom gave us for our bedroom. For the first time in my life I have a sitting area in my bedroom and I feel like a real live grown-up person! I need to get slipcovers for the chairs and a new lamp for the table. I'll post a picture of the sitting area when I get it all done. It is not top priority though, so that may be months or years from now.


Don't look at the base on that table. It's a tad off-center. I didn't realize that it was not totally fixed in place when I painted it so if I center it now the original faux wood is exposed. I could, of course, paint it when I am painting one of the other fifty-eight items I have painted, but then that would make too much sense and Mike would never be able to poke fun at me about it.

This is the paint that made it all possible. Roughly $3 at Walmart. But don't take my word for it. I paid $2.50 for some white spray paint at a Habitat for Humanity Re-Store over the weekend. I told Mike, "This is like $3 or $4 at Walmart." So I bought some. I then went to Walmart and noticed that the particular brand of spray paint I had just bought for $2.50 actually only costs... $.97 at Walmart. Oh well.

Emergency fund

Continuing on my last post about not paying down debt...do you know what you would need for 3, 6, or 8 months with no income?

I went to my monthly spending plan and figured out a couple of different scenarios. In both emergency scenarios we cut out obvious things like savings, vacation, entertainment, etc.

I figured out two scenarios: desperate and really desperate. In Scenario A we keep our van and our life insurance policies, but Scenario B involves selling our van and canceling those policies.

Scenario A we would still need about 2/3 of our current income and Scenario B cuts what we spend now by half. Do you know how much money you actually need to live on a monthly basis? What about a bare bones/desperate measures budget? Multiply that by 8, is that what you have in the bank?

I like knowing the numbers and I can get excited about saving, but I still haven't come to terms with carrying credit card debt until we get our emergency fund back to where it should be. Argh, still wrestling with that one.

P.S. A couple of people have mentioned Dave Ramsey to me. (Thanks!) From what I know, which isn't a lot, his advice is along the lines of Mary Hunt's from Debt-Proof Your Marriage (which I read), but I am curious to see what his latest advice is on savings/debt in this economy and the best way to allocate all that extra money we have laying around (ha!). I'm on a hunt for a recent book by him and I'll let you know what I discover.

Don't pay off your debt

Okay, so I am behind the times because this news is approximately a year old, but it is new to me. Have you heard this? Financial guru, Suze Orman, advises in our current financial climate to not pay down your debt. To only pay the minimum monthly amount and instead divert the rest to building your emergency fund. This emergency fund, which is commonly advised to be enough to cover 3 to 6 months worth of expenses, is now recommended to be enough for 8 months of expenses.

I shared before that we never carried any credit card debt, but that has changed because of our recent FET (frozen embryo transfer). We used to have about 5 months worth of rainy day savings, but most of that went into our down payment for our new house. So we find ourselves in uncharted territory. We have almost no savings (well, not counting retirement stuff) AND we now have credit card debt! Woohoo! Oh, wait, nevermind.

This advice from Suze Orman throws me for a total loop. It goes against everything I've ever learned and kills me to think of carrying a balance on our credit card in order to start padding our emergency fund again. What do you think? Have you heard this? Are you still paying off debt or are you building your emergency fund?

Double the dose

Have you heard that honey soothes coughing? I had and I tried it unsuccessfully a few times for myself and Kyle. This week Kyle had a terrible, virtually non-stop cough so I was on-line looking for tips and came across this from Mayo Clinic regarding honey. The article specifies a dose of up to 2 teaspoons. I had always done just 1 teaspoon. It was killing us to hear Kyle's constant coughing so we woke him up and gave him 2 teaspoons of honey and voila! his coughing stopped! He slept cough-free through the night and was much improved the next day. The next night he was again coughing quite a bit at bedtime so we repeated the honey and he had another great sleep. So, if you have tried honey for coughing and it didn't work, next time try upping the dose. (Of course you all know that honey is not to be given to children under age 1.)

Easy, chocolate cookies

Dangerously easy and yummy! I have had a major sweet tooth lately (well, actually my whole life, but kicked up a notch recently). I found this recipe on Betty Crocker's site and had to try it.

1 pudding in the mix chocolate cake mix (I used Aldi's brand)
1/2 c. vegetable oil
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs

Mix by hand, put on cookie sheet and bake at 350 for about 12 minutes. So good! As I was eating my 14th cookie I realized these would also be really good with some of that marshmallow cream/cream cheese concoction or even made into ice cream sandwiches.

I rolled half of mine in granulated sugar before baking and left half plain. I don't have a taste preference either way, but they do look a little bit prettier with the sugar. They appear cracked on top like gingersnaps when they are done.

Cream of the crop

My computer died for the second time in less than a year. Thankfully, I was able to back-up my photographs and files, but I forgot to save my bookmarks. I have no idea how many blog links I had saved and likely many I will never find again, maybe simplifying was a blessing in disguise. These are a few that I like enough to have remembered and was fortunate enough to be able to track down.

Just a Girl She has great decorating ideas of her own, but my favorite thing she does is Feature Friday. She posts about other bloggers with exceptional ideas and I've found some neat blogs through her.

Nesting Place Another great design blog. She lives in a house full of men, but has lots of pretty stuff! For a while after I had Kyle I thought I had to become a boy too and only have blue, masculine things. I got over that.

Eat at Home Probably pretty obvious by the name, but it is a cooking blog. She has a really good white chicken enchilada recipe and butterscotch cookie recipe, those are two that come right to mind that I have made more than once.

Balancing Beauty and Bedlam Great inspiration for saving money, on clothes, cooking, decor, etc. She is currently doing a challenge to spend $100 on groceries for her family of 7 this month.

I've been playing with the idea of challenging myself to not buy anything new this year (or actually it could be new, but it would have to be bought second-hand) other than, of course, things like food and toilet paper. I'm not really taking myself seriously and I know I'd like to try it, but I'm weak and would easily give in to myself if tempted. We'll see.

Part 3

Kyle and Cade were 3 years and 5 months apart to the day. Mike said that if you wanted to script a more perfect transition from one child to two and from Kyle being an only to a sibling you could not have done it. Kyle adored Cade from the beginning, in fact, I joked sometimes that I (not Kyle) was the jealous one because Kyle would say things like, "I love Cade 500 times around the world and I love you and daddy 5o times around the world." Things did get a little more interesting and a little more challenging when Cade got mobile, but it was still a really great little thing we had going. We adored being the parents of two little men and were so thankful that I got to stay home full-time with them.

There was never any doubt we would "try" with our remaining two embryos, our little "snow babies," we just weren't sure when. We didn't want to wait too long because we are not "spring chickens" and we were paying $50 a month to keep them frozen, not a major factor, but not a non-factor. We were pretty much ready any time but I absolutely had to be done nursing Cade before we could start our FET (frozen embryo transfer) process. I had let Kyle self-lead in weaning and he was about 17 months old when it happened. Cade was nearing that same age and didn't really seem be showing any signs of starting to wean. I was torn because on the one hand I was really ready to be pregnant again, but on the other hand I feared I would be really sad if I rushed him into weaning and then didn't get pregnant and never nursed another baby again. Ultimately, I gradually encouraged him to wean around 18 months. It wasn't traumatic for either of us thankfully.

I called the IVF clinic to let them know we wanted to begin the process and get in on the first available cycle available. (After I typed that I remembered that, no, I actually called the clinic first and they told me I would need to start meds in like 2 weeks and that is the point I began encouraging him to wean and it was a little traumatic for me, funny how we can gloss over things in our memories, ha).

Anyway, we were excited, scared, nervous, apprehensive, but definitely trusting God for the outcome. I realized early on in the process that God already knew the outcome so there really was nothing for me to worry about. There was nothing I was going to do or not do that would change whether or not I was meant to get pregnant with our little snow babies. That was tremendously comforting. I struggle with control and worry so it wasn't a one-time thing, but something I did need to repeatedly do in giving all my anxieties to God because He cares for me.

Leading up to the actual transfer there were some really neat ways that God protected me. Kyle got swine flu and 3 other families who are close friends of ours got the swine flu, in each case the entire family (sparing one person I think out of 14 if my math is right) got the flu, but in our family only Kyle got it. I was amazed at God's protection in that. Then Cade got Hand, Foot, Mouth disease (apparently highly contagious), but the rest of us were spared that. Next Kyle got a cold and passed it to Cade and I was spared that. At this point I was pretty convinced God was totally in my corner, protecting me for upcoming pregnancy.

At the same time, I was having doubts thinking could it really be possible to try 3 times and get pregnant 3 times? Come on, what are the odds? But I would remind myself, I am not a statistic to God. I told my doctor that I did not want to know my chances for success because I know myself and I know the mind games a number like that could play with me. She agreed, but had to throw in with a smile (my realist/pessimist doctor), "Okay, but I can tell you they are really good since you have a baby from this same set of embryos."

Transfer day came and I was so thrilled to have both our babies safely inside of me and as far as I was concerned, to be "pregnant" with them. I prayed for our two babies that they were growing and thriving inside me, that I would have the privilege and blessing of bringing them home in my arms and being their mom here on earth and raising them all for God's glory. I would always end my prayer with, but Lord Your will, not mine. Sometimes that last part was hard because sometimes what I really wanted to say was, "Please, please, please my will, LORD!!"

The twins' story: I went when the clinic opened for my blood test and prayed I would not have to wait long for the results. I had been wanting a chronological Bible so I went to the Christian bookstore, but it wasn't open yet. I noted that its Christmas hours meant I had 40 minutes to kill so I went to Walmart, which, of course, is always open. I bought some Matchbox cars for the boys' stockings and some treats for our dog who, sadly, we just found out has cancer and isn't expected to live much longer. I then headed back to the bookstore parking lot to wait the remaining 10 minutes. I had not thought to take either of the two magazines I had gotten in the mail the day before, but thankfully Mike reads his Bible at lunch and it was in his car which I was driving. I read a few passages (Proverbs 3: 5-6; Philippians 4:6-8; Psalm 118:23-29; Psalm 126).

When the doors opened I had a very educated salesperson help me look at my choices in chronological Bibles. I looked for a brief time before choosing one and heading up to pay. Just as he told me my total, my phone rang. I saw the number and new it was the IVF clinic. I looked at the salesperson, vaguely aware that there was another customer in line behind me and hoping the clerk would abandon my order when I said, "I'm sorry, I have to get this." I stepped to the side and there was a small storeroom with its door open, I stepped just to the opening of it to have a small amount of privacy.

For the third time following a blood test I heard the IVF nurse - Joni's voice and knew almost immediately it was not good. She was speaking way too slowly and without a hint of excitement. She said, "Tina (long pause) This is Joni (long pause) it's not good (pause) it was negative." I was thinking she must mean something else, she must mean there is still some kind of a chance, she can't really mean what she was saying. She went on to say that we were welcome to have a free follow-up appointment with our doctor, that I needed to stop all my medications and I would start my period. She said, "I don't know if you already know if you want to try again." This I was sure of, I knew it was our last try and told her so.

In a zombie-like state I hung up and returned to the register where inexplicably the cashier was still waiting for me and unfortunately I didn't have the presence of mind to apologize to the person behind me or just say I'm sorry I need to go. So I stayed and listened, staring blankly, as the salesperson described an Archaeological Bible I had also been interested just before The Phone Call. I nodded and um, hmm-ed appropriately, I think, until I was mercifully done and able to leave. He told me to have a great day and I said I would and told him to have one too.

I got to the car and dialed Mike's number, he was at home with 5 year old Kyle and 20 month old Cade. His voice mail picked up after several rings. I started driving. I tried Mike. Voice Mail. Tried Mike. Voice Mail. (repeat, repeat, repeat). At this point I was still not crying, partially because I was so ticked that Mike wasn't answering when he knew good and well where I was and what news we were awaiting. I briefly considered calling other people, but abandoned that idea when I realized that might mean Mike would find out through the grapevine rather than from me. I kept calling until I finally reached him when I was about 2/3 of the way home. When I heard his voice and knew what words needed to come from my mouth, that is when I lost it. I managed to sob out, "I'm not pregnant." I was briefly worried he would hear the word "pregnant" and think it was good news, but I'm pretty sure there was never any confusion.

He asked me if I was driving and if I could pull over. I told him I just wanted to get home. He told me to be careful and I said I would and then because there was really nothing else to say, I said, "I'm hanging up now."

The rest of the day was filled with many more tears, many hugs, support, and encouragement from sweet family and friends who had prayed with us and supported us through the process. The day also included much laughter thanks to my two clown-boys and a great movie (The Blind Side). Most assuredly and importantly the day brought many reminders of God's great, everlasting, unchanging love for me, the knowledge that He has a good plan for me and that all things work together for my good. I don't understand this, but I trust God with all my heart and know that he will make my path straight.

Part 2

After we had Kyle we both thought we would not do IVF again. We felt very blessed to have one child and with the expense and tremendous time and emotional investment we thought it was not a road we would go down again. I also really thought that there was a chance, maybe even a good chance, that I would have one of those "surprise pregnancies" once I was more preoccupied, more relaxed, and less focused on trying to have a baby. Once Kyle was born we never didn't try for another baby. I laughed when the doctor asked me about birth control. If we were ever to get pregnant unexpectedly and for free we would jump for joy a million times over!

When Kyle was just over 2 I really started to desire strongly to have another baby. Mike was more on the fence (at least that is how I remember, correct me if I'm wrong, honey!) . We talked about it more and more often and prayed about it and one day I specifically prayed for a sign if we were supposed to go down the IVF road again. That day I got a letter in the mail from our fertility clinic inviting us to tour their new clinic (the first contact from them in over 2 years)! I was like, "Okay, I'm ready, that is all the sign I need!" Mike was pretty convinced as well.

This time we got 9 eggs, 8 fertilized and 4 made it alive and healthy all the way to day 5. We transferred two embryos back into me and froze the other two for down the road, hopefully for future babies in a few years, but also available in case the first two didn't make it. It felt like a huge luxury we had not had the first time. Of course we were still tremendously invested in it working the first time, but at least this time we didn't have all our eggs in one basket. This time because I (and my eggs) were 3 years older our chance of success had gone down to around 60%. I had a better chance of getting pregnant than not, I was okay with that percentage, afterall I didn't have much say in it. But I was convinced it had not worked because I didn't feel the same symptoms I had remembered feeling with Kyle.

The beginning of Cade's story: After the two week wait I went to the lab for a blood test while Mike stayed home with two and a half year old Kyle. I didn't anticipate getting the results very quickly so I made a trip to the bookstore to kill some time. As I was driving home my phone rang and I quickly grabbed it and answered it just as I was going over the railroad tracks and about to round the corner and cross a bridge (ha, that sounds like a setup for a car crash, but I'm just describing it because it is really clear in my mind exactly where I was when I heard the news) the same IVF nurse, Joni said, "I have some good news for you! You're pregnant, your number was 219!" I again started sobbing and she asked if I was driving and if I would be okay. I assured her I was fine and I arrived home just a couple of minutes later unable to wipe the smile from my face. Mike and Kyle were playing in the front yard and I beamed as I raced to hug Mike and tell him we were pregnant! We immediately told Kyle and let him call the grandparents and say in his sweet baby voice, "I'm gonna be a big brother."

...to be continued...

Part 1

Some of you who read this know that Mike and I struggled with infertility and some of you have no idea. We tried for 19 months before conceiving Kyle through IVF (invitro fertilization). I know to some people 19 months seems like nothing, I have certainly heard of people who went through a much longer time, but in the midst of it, not knowing when or if the time will ever come when you get to be the pregnant one, the one holding a child of your own, each month can seem like an eternity.

We both learned countless, priceless, eternal lessons which I would love to share at some point, but this story isn't about that right now. For memory-sake and catharsis I want to document some things. I think this will be a three-part writing.

The beginning of five year-old Kyle's story: Mike and I waited, on pins and needles, for the phone to ring. After going through weeks of shots, pills, ultrasounds, egg retrieval, daily updates on our embryos, embryo transfer and finally the roughly two week wait until the blood test, we were finally about to find out if I was pregnant for the first time ever. We began two weeks earlier with 6 eggs, 5 fertilized, 4 grew until the 5th day when only two still remained alive and growing, the doctor transferred both of those embryos back into me. We were given an 85% chance of success which I was thrilled with until my realist/pessimist doctor reminded me that 15% failure is still a big number! We literally had all our eggs in one basket and if it didn't work we would have to make the decision whether or not to start from scratch again, another $10,000+.

I had gone to the lab that morning and when the phone rang a couple of hours later my heart beat wildly. The IVF nurse Joni said, "Tina, we consider anything above 30 pregnant..." I was so accustomed to negative pregnancy tests and phone calls from nurses with negative blood test results that in my mind I thought, she's going to tell me my number was 29. But she continued, "Yours was 209! Congratulations!" I started sobbing and Mike didn't know if it was good or bad news, but finally figured it out and we were on cloud nine for pretty much the next 9 months and 5 years.

...to be continued...

So thankful

We had the scariest time of our lives tonight. I was cooking dinner and had just asked Mike to come in and shred some chicken for me, from that point on everything seems like a blur of activity, all happening in jumbled, concurrent time. We heard a bumping sound, then a very brief cry from Cade, then an, “I’m so sorry, Cade,” from Kyle.

But no more crying.

I was stirring cheese sauce at the stove, so Mike went in to investigate. In the back of my mind I was both relieved that there was no more crying, but also alarmed because the only other time I remembered hearing Kyle apologize so quickly and sincerely to Cade was when he accidentally knocked Cade’s tooth loose.

It was only moments later when Mike came into the kitchen saying, “Tina, Tina, it’s bad!” I dropped what I was doing and turned to see Mike laying a limp and unconscious Cade on the floor and repeatedly calling out his name, then directing me to call 911. My initial thought was that Cade was paralyzed. The phone wasn’t where I expected it to be, but I quickly found it and dialed the numbers you never want to have to dial.

I think I may have asked what happened, but I’m not sure. I remember screaming over and over again, “Oh My God!!! Dear LORD!!! God help us!!!” I remember screaming to the 911 operator for help in a complete panic, but by God’s grace managing to carefully articulate our address for her. I remember her asking me questions and I couldn’t put a cohesive thought together other than to say that I didn’t know what happened because I hadn’t seen it. I remember seeing Mike doing what seemed to be CPR on Cade and I was just screaming and praying and begging God for Cade to be okay.

At some point Cade started to open his eyes, but they rolled back in his head and he did some weird movements and I thought it was really, really bad.

Finally, he started crying and I felt relief like when you hear your baby’s first cry at birth. The 911 operator heard the crying and asked if that was him and then told me that was a good sign. I heard the sirens and felt even more relief. By this time we had all somehow migrated to the couch with Mike still holding Cade and I went to open the front door and flag the paramedics down. When Cade saw the fire truck and ambulance he pointed outside and said, “Da.” (His go-to word, in this case meaning, “Look, there, fire truck, ambulance.”)

The wonderful paramedics checked him out and basically let us make the call whether we wanted them to take him to the hospital for a CAT scan and X-rays or observe him at home for a while. I was definitely leaning toward taking him, but Mike was confident we could keep him at home and watch him so that is what we did. He was very clingy to me for a while, but eventually got back to laughing and playing.

There is nothing like near-tragedy to bring life into perspective. We are thanking God for His protection and praising Him for Cade’s precious life.

I guess I should add that we don't really know exactly what happened. Kyle said he was running and didn't see Cade in time (or at all?) and knocked into him and Cade fell backwards, really hard, on the wood floor. Cade didn't seem to have any symptoms of a concussion so based on our internet research Mike and I are thinking he passed out from holding his breath because of the shock, upset, and pain. Mike said that when he saw him on the ground he scooped him up and Cade acted like he was going to cry, but just made some strange moves and then went totally limp and unconscious. We are just so incredibly thankful that Cade is okay and have instituted a "no running inside" rule (at least until the bubbles arrive - one for each boy).

Internet, I'll miss you so!

Okay, so I keep starting to write something, then I get distracted for a few days and when I go back to it I decide it's not worth finishing, hence the long stretches in between posts.

I am also in a funk with time management and have not fully adjusted to Cade now being a once-a-day napper. Although it is really great for being able to do things outside of the house, it is more difficult to find uninterrupted blogging time.

Then throw in a heaping portion of getting ready to move and voila! no time to blog.

Add to that, the fact that I will be without internet until mid-July (gasp! shudder!).

Maybe one day soon (after mid-July) I'll actually finish and post some of my drafts or start (and finish) some of the posts I have in my head, like all the craft things I have gotten to get back out since Cade is getting older. Well, while I'm here I'll just show you a couple of them.

First, here is a grocery list I made for Kyle a couple of years ago that he and Cade are now both using. I searched for free printable food images on the web then printed, colored, and laminated them. I hole-punched and put them on a clasp ring and there you go!Second, I had fun coloring this pasta. All I did was get sandwich baggies and put in some dry pasta and a few drops of food coloring and a few drops of rubbing alcohol and shake it around until the pasta was all colored. Then I spread it out on wax paper until it was dry.

The options are limitless for these babies: sorting, counting, collages, etc. I get plastic eggs, measuring cups, and all different sizes of containers out with these noodles and it keeps the boys busy for half an hour at least.Please be thinking of me while I'm in the black hole without internet. I'm sure to come out on the other side stronger! (I'm only half-way joking.)